M A R Y A M

A Message for Everyone

Posted on: Sunday, May 25, 2008

I was scanning my Book-Shelf when my eyes fell over a thin book(The Righteous Wife by Muhammad Shoomaan) there. Having decided to read it, I pulled a chair and sat down with the book in my hand.I am glad actually I caught hold of this book, for this Book enlightened my ignorant mind and faith.

Following are some of the experts from the book –
‘Allah’s Messenger S.A.S said, ‘It is not right that any human being should prostate to another human being, and if it were right for a human being to prostate to another human being I would have ordered the women to prostate to her husband due to the greatness of his right upon her’.

Abu Hurayrah R.A.A, reports that Allah’s Messenger said, ‘It is not right for a woman to fast(optional one) whilst the husband is present without his permission* ; and whatever wealth she spends in charity without his order, then half of the reward is for him.
* An-Nawawee said,’Its reason is that the husband has the right to enjoy his wife on all days, and his right is an immediate obligation and not to be denied him due to something optional not something obligatory which maybe performed at that time.

The Messenger of Allah said, If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he spends the night angry with her, then the angels curse her until morning.’

Mu’aadh ibn Jabal R.A.A said that the Messenger of Allah said, ‘A women does not harm her husband in this world except that his wife from the large eyed hooris(al Hoorul Een) says,’Do not harm him, May Allah kill you, for he is just a passing guest with you and is about to leave you and come to us.’

As for been a Wife myself, I understand the importance of a Husband our Religion stresses on. A Husband is the one who looks after us and cares for us, Just like we do. Appreciating them and rewarding them with our Best behaviour is the least we could do, the like of which applies to a Man too. There are some good Men/Women as well as some Bad Men/Women out there, Men/Women who guide themselves through these Hadith and Men/Women to misguide themselves. Pray That Allah bestows knowledge and Understanding over every Muslim Brother and Sister, and Guide them towards the Right path, as mentioned in Quran and by our beloved Prophet S.A.S

May Allah guide every Muslim towards the right path and May every Muslim be blessed with a righteous spouse . AMEEN.

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25 Responses to "A Message for Everyone"

Well in my opinion, rather than just being commands and way to reach Jannah, it is more to do with the overall role of women in an Islamic society and the duties of man and women towards each other.
Man being the protector and bread winner of the family earns respect whereas women being the teacher and carer for the children.
Being a Muslim, I wholly believe in what ever has written in this book, because anything commanded by the religion to us has some meaning either we can comprehend the benefit in it or not.

Jazak Allah khair

Maryam, here’s my perspective on these 4 ahadith which seemed to be difficult for you to follow – now I’m not a scholar so don’t know about authenticity or otherwise. I always like to keep in mind that Allah is Just and Fair, and that, based on other verses from the Quran and also sayings of the Prophet, men and women are equal, although they are each others’ helpers and part of a team.

no.1: There’s an IF there, and that says a lot.

no. 2: Is perfectly fair; remember the other hadeeth about a husband and wife spending time with one another getting more sawab than nafil prayers? Right! What more do I want if I can get my sawab simply by cuddling up with my hubby! I do assume, though I haven’t read it anywhere, that it ought to work both ways. It’s only fair, that if the wife needs to check with her husband before making optional fasts, he ought to check with her before he does so too.

Uh-oh, I hear an angry 18-month-old screaming upstairs! Gotta go, will be back later to comment on the other two. Bye!

Salam, Maryam: As to 3 and 4, Umm Reem wrote a very sensible post on this issue here . You may find it helpful.

hmm! Easy to earn these rewards.

I know that Abu Hurairah has often had doubts cast on the authenticity of the hadith…

I can understand, but like you said, the reward in the hereafter is better. I’ve heard that the practicing righteous Woman in this dunya, will be better and more pious/beautiful then Hur in Jannah. 😉 Also, all of these ahadith are authentic.I also believe that after you get married, it isn’t so black and white, obviously the Husband and Wife have to be understanding of each other and will try to to make each other happy to make a harmonious relationship. I went through Ummreems response, that mummyjaan provided, and i think she did an excellent job of writing about these. 🙂 Don’t be disheartened. 🙂 Alhamdulilah, in Islam, there is always a reason for something.

Well I think this post says a lot about men too. Doesn’t is sound childish that a man would go to bed angry just because his wife didn’t sleep with him? Both men and women have sexual needs but I don’t know what kind of caring husband would act this way. Shouldn’t he try to talk to her and figure out what the problem is rather than sulking? I don’t know how satisfying it is to have sex with someone.. who.. doesn’t.. really .. want to.

How we know those ahadeeth are really reliable?! 😉

I dont agree when Islam itself allows women to own wealth, how prophet says that for charity of her money, she should take permission and if she doesnt, half of her reward is for him?!! Doesnt seem strange? or maybe fictional?!

Hadeeth is not Quran to be protected. There are many Israiliat in hadeeth books as well.. And it goes especially for Ahad ahadeeth too..

I came here by chance. And I feel sad to read that such has actually been written in your scriptures. Perhaps that was for the times, aren’t scriptures revised with the times?

How is Hadith different from Quran?

Touqeer .. Yes, A man is considered the care-taker and a woman is considered as the teacher, And because the man is the bread earner or the care-taker He is given the upmost respect. A woman been a teacher is also to be respected and loved.
The above written hadith’s are the Rights the Man have over his Wife, Likewise there are many Rights that A woman has over her husband too. Quran is a beautiful book, and Allah hasnt treated any creation with injustice.
I too believe in whatall is been written in our books, I never said I dont, Did i ??? Its just that, I happen to read something new and i wrote about it … 🙂

Mummyjaan … Yes, It was a little difficult for me at first. But like i said, After sometime when i thought of these hadith with a different prespective, I actually understood what it means. As you said, Allah is never unfair with any of his creations.
You did give a beautiful explanation though, and so did the link you provided us with, Thanks .. 🙂
I too would like to assume that A man should check with his wife before he decides to fast(optional one).

Unaiza … Yes, They are dear.

Arima … Really ?? I dint knew that .. !!!

PurpleDrifter … Thats right, I pray that Allah guides every Muslim Man and Woman towards the way of righteous. Ameen.
Yes, the link that Mummyjaan provided was beautiful, I couldnt agree more with Her.

Liya
… Maybe it means- Suppose a wife and husband has a argument over something and a husband spends the night been angry with her, then the angels curse her till the morning .. !!! I am not sure, I just THINK so …

Shahrzad … These Hadith are authentic dear, I have seen it in many authentic books, Likewise has been said by many scholars too.

Poonam Sharma
… Well Actually Poonam, These are the rights that our religion gives a Man over his wife, Likewise there are many such rights that Allah has gives women over her husband. Both the spouses in a relation enjoy certain rights and limits, to safegaurd their relation.
There came many scriptures long back, but all of them have been changed by Humans, The latest and the last scripture sent down by Allah is Quran which hasnt been changed and is everything that Allah has said directly to his people.
Hadith are the sayings of our Prophet S.A.S for him ummah(people) to have a better understandng of how to lead our lives in the way of Allah and Quran is a book sent on earth by Allah on Prophet S.A.S for his Ummah.
I am very glad you asked dear … 🙂

Assalam-alaikam Maryam,
I think it can be hard as a modern woman brought up in the west to believe that men and women are same/equal to accept the hadith you mention above. But the responsibilities on men to take care of us and our children are heavy also. They say that the path to jannah is covered in difficult things.

I think the trick is to find a kind-hearted man. Easier said than done though for most sisters.

Husband and wife both have rights and duties…the ultimate goal being the righteous muslim. Husband is considered to be the ‘leader’ of the home…one who leads ..not rule. Each of them is responsible for their own action.
If husband is a good muslim, wife will not feel injustice rather she would love to do things. If wife is a good muslim, husband will not have any bad feelings towards her rather he would love to take care of everything she likes.
That is why it is strongly recommended to find a good muslim rather than one with only physical and material things.

salam,
well , its not that this is the first time I have come across these hadiths . I did happen to read them many times earlier and also almost felt the same way as u did. sad ! But then Allah subhana wa taala cannot be questioned right. He is the most just and will never do injustice. I am sure theres a deeper meaning/ purpose to it which we fail to understand. And allah knws best and our Rewards are wid Him ALONE .

Umm Salihah … Yeah .. Easire said than done … Thats right ..!!!
The Path to Jannat is truly covered with difficult trails and issues.

Zios … Thats right. If both the spouse are righteous, then it would be the pleasure of each to serve and help the other. But what about people who arent righteous. Wont they gladly use these Hadith’s for their mere advantage ??

Nasreen .. Yes, I agree with you. As i said, At first I felt rather sad But then when we talk about Allah, who is never unjust and knows way better than us, We can leave this matter in his hands alone, and do as we are ordered to seek our reward, which is Paradise.

Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation 🙂 Anyway … nice blog to visit.

cheers, Organiser.

if a woman does not like her husband she can divorce him. If she likes him she will not have a problem with these hadith. By the way, there are many, many hadith in favour of women. This whole discussion comes from ignorance and lack of knowlegde about Islam. I write for http://www.chowrangi.com

Organiser .. I dont quite get your point, Considering that you have posted the same comment on many of the blogs I visit … 🙂

Mohammad Yusha .. I am sorry I dont quite agree with your acquisitions. You mean to say that I am ignorant hence I am sad reading this Hadith.
Well, Maybe .. Onlt it isnt. I am sad because there are many men out here who gladly exploit hadith like the above, as per their convenience and advantage.

And it int always either white or Black, There’s always a Grey colour too lurkng somewhere in everyone’s life. [In referene to you saying either to divorce if a woman doesnt like her husband and not minding these hadith if she likes her husband]

Maryam, I’m not saying you are ignorant. Just collecting hadith in favour of husbands to create a wrong picture of Islam is not good. I can also collect a bunch of hadith in favour of women and title it ‘Sad but True’

Muhammad Yusha .. I understand your point, But It wasnt my intention to showcase Islam in a Bad way.(inauzubillah)
However, I have changed the title of the post. But once again, My intention isnt as you felt it was.

Thank you for the quick reply. Even though i think the title is much better now, the only message you are giving women is that they are inferior.

I never said that showing a bad picture of Islam is your intention. It just that you unintentionally end up painting a negative picture of Islam concerning women.

This post is not a message for women, it is a message for men to take these hadith without any understanding of these hadith, without knowing the hadith in favour of women and think that Islam is all about men.

As you yourself said ” I am sad because there are many men out here who gladly exploit hadith like the above, as per their convenience and advantage.”

I suggest you delete this post because it is creating a wrong picture if Islam. The decision is yours.

wait….don’t delete this post. I will write a couple of posts at my site and create a link here. Thank you for a great website. Keep it up!

As per your request, I have made some corrections in this post. I understand that My post CAN draw a negetive influence over some people.
As far as deletion is concerned, I am sorry I cannot do that. But changing is the least i could do, which I have done .. 🙂

I was only concerned with the hadith. I did not want you to change anything else. I’m not here to tell you how to run your site. I totally respect your decisions in running your wonderful website. My post ‘Women in Islam’ will be up in a few hours at http://www.chowrangi.com. I’m sure you will like it. Anyone loving the post can leave a comment, a compliment rather. I love compliments (hehehe) God bless you all. Thanks for a great website!

Title looks much better now. Here’s the link to my post on women. Please leave a comment if you like it

http://www.chowrangi.com/women-in-islam.html

The first hadith only applies if a man fulfills all the rights of his wife. If he provides for all her comforts and luxuries, fulfills her emotional and sexual needs and treats her like a queen. Even then, it does not mean that she is inferior. It is just to show that a woman should give her husband respect, but again, only if he fulfills all her rights.

Second hadith, every one knows that men are horny. They spend half their time watching porn. If she fasts without telling him and he feels horny, he might rape her causing her fast to break and even the marriage to break.

Third hadith, if a man does not fulfill the sexual needs of his wife, he has also sinned.

Fourth hadith, if a man annoys his wife and does not treat her properly, it is enough for him to go to hell.

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