M A R Y A M

Excuse me, What did you say ??

Posted on: Sunday, May 18, 2008

No matter what the thing is; A troubled/Broken Marriage, A disastrous fight, or even if a small thing goes wrong, Guess who is always blamed ??? Hands down, A girl. I dont understand why ? Why cant Men take some responsibility too, Why cant we grow up and say, ‘Alright! We both blew it over, Lets make it work together’ rather than saying ‘Is that what your parents taught you??’ OR ‘You are the worst wife anyone can ever have’ …… ????

In order to have a successful marriage, ever wondered How many sacrifices meets a woman’s way ? And just because we sacrificed once, doesnt mean we could and can sacrifice always. How many times do we compromise? Wonder whether Men even know its spelling? We are supposed to follow their foot-steps always, ever felt what it feels like to always kill your inner-self just to make the Man happy ? Men, who love to exhibit their Machoism, often forget that machoism doesnt lie only in raising his voice or hand, but is hidden in been gentle, and looking at a woman as a Human too.(rather than treating her like shit)

How good would life be if a couple share compassion instead of constantly struggling to mark the upper hand, in turn loosing sanity and tranquility ? Why is it that a Man always needs to feel ‘The King’ and feels happy when his Wife fears him ? Pathetic, Isnt it ? My personal advise to such men is They should never consider getting married, Coz no one can make such a man happy. NO ONE. Atleast a Woman’s life is saved from getting worse than Hell.
I am not Anti-Men, I love my Father, Love my Husband. But some things happen which definitely leaves a sour taste in one’s mouth. I have recently come across some very painful articles about poor women been harassed by Men, which breaks my heart in million pieces. I am also aware that It always takes two to Tango, but Its no mistaking that a Man crosses all His limits and can leave everyone dumb-founded … !!!

How I wish A man would fear Allah, and give his Wife a peaceful and better life. May Allah help everyone, May HE guide everyone to his Path and save his people from committing Sins. May Every girl be blessed with a Good Husband in the way of Allah, Ameen.

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14 Responses to "Excuse me, What did you say ??"

I’ve been seeing someone closely being tortured & SHE’S TAKING IT!

You know, I’m not scared anymore.. If it’s my destiny to have a bad man like the on she has, that’d be my ibtilaa (hard test), but if the HARAM goes on, I’ll never EVER take it.. For God’s sake.. Even if I love him! And yeah, one can never tell unless they’re in the situation, but you know what? My priorities are SET alright!

Hers (priorities) aren’t & that’s why she’s taking it..

God never burdens a soul beyond it’s means!

You’re right that they usually blame woman. It’s bcs they expect women to be much more perfect than a man maybe.

I personally think role of woman in life is more strong than man, esp mentally. In family issues, wisdom of woman works better when she is smart and she knows what to do.

A woman can make her husband surrenderer of herself, once she finds out her power..

Assalam-alaikam,
I agree with Shahrzad, expectations on women are impossibly unrealistic and women put up with mistreatment because they buy into those expectations. Then when they can’t meet them they think they deserve what they get.

Also some women feel that they have no option but to endure abuse and blame as they don’t have support from family or community.

There’s an interesting line in Khalid Hosseini’s A Thousand Splendid Suns that reflects what you say: “Learn this now and learn it well, my daughter: Like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman. Always. You remember that, Mariam”

As a male coming in on this conversation (via Baikong’s blog) I agree with what you are saying. Men do have a habit of blaming their own failings on others. It takes a special man to tell himself he’s wrong, or he’s failed (when this happens) and to not feel sorry for himself.

Domestic violence, both physical & verbal is plainly not acceptable. Unfortunately it is all too prevalent and this is so in all societies. Strong institutions and publicity are needed to challenge this outrage.

Apologies if I’ve joined in here where I shouldn’t. 🙂

ameen to your duaa, i’m not really sure what to say, I understand the anger your going through right now, because even if it didnt happen to any one of us, as a women its easier for us to feel these things.

Well, Not all men are the same. but yes, there’s a shitty world out there and it saddens….

well thts true expectations from women are too much, though all men are not the same , but still i guess most of them are as you wrote , but i guess , not all women are also same , so its like depends from person to person.

Maryam it sounded like I worte the post!!

”Why is it that a Man always needs to feel ‘The King’ and feels happy when his Wife fears him ? Pathetic, Isnt it ? My personal advise to such men is They should never consider getting married, Coz no one can make such a man happy. NO ONE. Atleast a Woman’s life is saved from getting worse than Hell.”
you practically described all my feelings in a nutshell !!
I know they should fear allah , what the hell is wrong with these men , and they are supposed to protect us not make our lives hell !!!

Though I see nothing alike in my environment, but It was sad to read your article and to recognize the reality that clearly portrays not the mesmerizing smell of the flowers but the hell under the sun.

Sara .. I am so sorry for her Dear. May Allah help her, Ameen
Inauzubillah Sara, Never say that again, May you get a wonderful and caring husband ,Ameen.
You know sara, Sometimes it isnt about proirities and standards, Sometimes woman loose their batte and sit down to accept whatever Life has in store for them, no matter good or bad … 😦

Shahrzad .. You are right. Women are often looked upon as perfect species, and the expectations are FAR more than a human should ever keep on an another human.
Its true that a woman holds the power to make her husband surrender too, But that isnt the case with everyone(man) My friend .. !!!

Umm Salihah … Thats a beautiful quote you mentioned there. Its irony, Isnt it ??
Its beautiful coz it states the truth, but What a truth that is, A trial for women in itself … !!!
Yes Dear, There are women out there enduring torture fearing the society they live in. What can i say about or for them other than ‘May Aah help them, Ameen’.

Matt … Welcome to my blog.
I am rather glad that you wrote your feelings, Seeing a man here accepting their(Men’s general behaviour) mistake is a very brave and good thing to do. I am happy to know that men like you still exist.
No need to apologise, I pray that Men like you be increased by every day, Ameen.

The Antidote … A woman can easily understand the pain and anguish the other woman is going through, and it tears my heart to witness such stories involving Poor inoocent women and those crazy men … It definitely saddens me .. 😦
Hope and Pray is all we could do, and all we are doing.

Unaiza .. Not at all, Every Man isnt bad, but it surey is a Shitty world we live in .. !!

Fatima … Yes, Every woman isnt alike, just like every Man isnt. There are some good mn out there too, But are very scarce, which again is a Pity .. 😦

Amal … Yeah. I guess I did .. 🙂
I agree, Men are supposed to protect and Love us rather than scaring the Hell out of poor women .. !!!

Tomas … I am glad that its unlike the environment you live in. But I suspect whether a man is different according to the environments they live in.
And ofcourse I aint involving each and every man here, But i do believe that 90 out 100 men are such… !! 😦

May Allah help find every Muslimah a righteous and caring Husband, Ameen.

The empowerment of women is an ongoing process, even in the west. NGOs, IGOs, government depts, local councils, the media and individuals all work constantly to right the wrongs.

Within a country/society there has to be a culture of change. Eventually these changes in attitude trickle down into family life but, it takes a long time. Religious institutions are often the last to accept these changes for the empowerment of women.

As individuals you have to be very strong. Don’t accept compromise. If the people and institutions around you aren’t accepting the changes you want then move away. Bigger cities accept change much faster than rural areas or smaller towns do!

thank u for this topic
i think it is interesting that even if a man could find the woman of his dreams and marry her but i dont know why just after marige every thing changes thought the woman suited the man.
poor woman how much they are emotional
i am fond to read about this topic more in your web.
and i hope to marry a man that loves me not more and not less than what i am just loves what i am .
whit best wishes to all women especially muslim
and a good life for u and your husband
i whant it of my GOD
AMIN

Nice blog. 🙂

Yeah I agree. In the past month or so, ive heard so many stories of abuse and violence between married couples that ive developed this negative view when it comes to marriage. I mean, is it even worth it? Infact, it gets worse when its people who you are close too.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarkatuh.

Hope n pray for every couple to sail thier boat of life smoothly..inshallah one day they will reach the shore safely.

Many men,(even educated) do say such killing words because of thier prideness,arrogance and ignorance…later on few regret, but dont express openly…One should never blame others to protect themselves for time has the power to reveal the hidden truth.
A man’s realy beauty lies beneath his tongue…Success in marriage dosent come merely by choosing the right mate but by being the right mate…I advice both men n women to marry some one who has the manners of wise & humility of poor,who has long hands(doing self as well as others work) & short tongue(not speaking unnecessarily n rudely).

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